Big Guy on a Bicycle: Cycling in General

Missed the Train

Wed, 02 Aug 2006 02:56:20 GMT

But first I went to Physical Therapy (oh, joy). It wasn't fun. 'Nuff said.

Then I came home. I wasn't sure if I'd be riding or not becuase I was having trouble gauging Mrs. Guy's mood, but she all but ordered me to go for a ride. She was working on employee reviews anyway, so it seemed like a good opportunity. Instead of driving down to the Boulevard, I decided to just do a twenty or so mile ride from the house.

I had no route in mind when I left the house, choosing instead to let circumstance and/or last minute impulse be my guide. I ended up heading east as if I was going to do my usual time-trial loop, but then I ended up cutting left off of Ball Camp Rd onto Byington-Solway during a clear point in traffic. I had just crossed the railroad tracks at that point, and had just gotten across when the train signals started and the gates came down. Missing that would have put me doubling back and taking roads I really don't like as much.

So I headed north, east, north, east for a while, and ended up reaching the tracks crossing Coward Mill Rd just after the same train completed crossing that road. I definately would have had to double back for that one, or I would have had to wait it out, but there's limited visibility through the vegetation there and you never know where the end of the train is until it's moving past you there. But happily, in this case I didn't even have to slow down - except the slowing I naturally would do to cross the tracks. That's bad placement, too, since the tracks cross halfway up a climb and you lose a good bit of momentum crossing over. Still, better that starting from a standing stop.

As I passed by a pasture, I saw a rather sizable tree that was taken down by storms a few weeks ago. I noticed that there was a bat-house attached to that tree, which had been spared destruction since that side was up when the tree went over. The bats were happy about that too, I'd guess, and have even continued to live in the bat-house even though it is at only about five to ten degrees off of horizontal now. I wonder if maybe the bat-house is the reason that the farmer left that particular tree out there? Could be. We have enough mosquitoes around our house that I'm sure Mrs. Guy would be eternally grateful if I were to install a bat-house in one of our trees. And the bats would get quite fat.

I ended up on Rather Rd for only the second time ever, which is something I should change. It's a lovely little road, though there was something new this time. I got chased down by a dog that just wouldn't give up. It had short little legs, so it looked funny chasing after me (it's little legs a blur...), but it was still making good enough time to stay with me for far longer than I thought probable. I normally could have outsprinted it easily enough, but I was still in an uphill gear, and I had my waterbottle in my right hand (the better to shower the offending canine with Gatorade, my dear) and thus couldn't shift. After the third direct hit from my waterbottle, the little mutt decided I'd learned my lesson or something and gave up the chase. I slid the bottle back in the cage, shifted up two gears, and stood up to finish off the little uphill section that I was on.

Now, you may remember that I am coming back from injury. I am supposed to go easy on my right shoulder for a while yet, so I've been favoring it on (and off) the bike. However, when you do that for long enough, you tend to place additional stresses on the parts of the body that are taking up the slack, so to speak. And that is likely why I pulled a muscle just under my left shoulderblade while cresting that hill. I was only ten miles into a twenty mile ride, of course. I decided to shorten my ride a little.

I turned back down Byington-Solway Rd (a part I hadn't been on earlier) and headed back toward home. I was on flatter roads, so I was still able to maintain a decent speed, but I wasn't having too much success at trying to work the knot out of my back. I resigned myself to pain and just kept going. As I approached Hardin Valley Rd I caught up with another cyclist who'd just turned off of another road and was going the same way as me. He rides with a different local club, but the clubs are friendly, so we just decided to work together for a while. Remember how I was going to cut my ride short?

Derek (that's the other guy's name) and I ended up adding a few more roads to our route, and by the time he headed for his house and I headed for mine I had seen the twenty mile mark come and go. Something about having someone to ride with.

And then I got to the tracks again after we split. A train (likely not the same one as before) was sitting there stopped. Stopped just ten yards shy of the road. Did they plan it that way? I can only guess.

Bike club meeting tomorrow night, so I might or might not have time to post much, especially since Mrs. Guy is in town and will want to spend time with me afterward (since she leaves for a week on Thursday afternoon). I will try to post, but will absolutely have something for Thursday.

(Not So) Lazy Sunday

Mon, 31 Jul 2006 00:00:09 GMT

It could easily have turned out to be a Lazy Sunday. I didn’t have very much momentum going today. It really all started yesterday. Well, maybe even Friday night.

On Friday afternoon I was at Tapoco Lodge over in North Carolina just over the state line on Hwy 129. That section of road is known as Deals Gap, but it is also famous as “The Dragon” among motorcyclists and sports car drivers. Deals Gap boasts 318 curves over a distance of 11 miles. That’s a lot of curves. I don’t know if that makes it the twistiest road in the US, but it’s gotta be in the Top Three. The last weekend in July is always ‘Miatas at the Gap’ weekend, which we usually attend. Since we wouldn’t be able to spend the whole weekend this year, I at least went over on Friday afternoon to say “Hi” to a bunch of people I only see once each year at The Gap, but I had to leave at around 7:30 pm to go pick up Mrs. Guy at the airport in Knoxville.

Mrs. Guy had spent the week at a work conference at was just absolutely beat. I took her home, and she asked me to kindly let her sleep in the next morning. And I did let her sleep in. The problem is that I slept in as well. We didn’t get up until after 11:00 am.

We had a few errands to run on Saturday afternoon and then started our ‘Date Night’ with a matinee movie showing, followed by a leisurely dinner and then home to catch Alton Brown’s new show on Food Network. Here’s the problem, though. Neither of us could get to sleep. I think she fell asleep sometime around 1:30 am, but I was awake for a good while after. That made getting up this morning awfully hard. Mrs. Guy got up early to go work the Hunger Helper market at the church, but I barely got out of bed in time to get to Sunday School.

We left church and went for lunch, and when we left we were both still very weary. If I’d left it at that, I likely could have spent the afternoon on the couch. But I knew I just needed to jump-start myself or I’d never get anything done today. I called John B. to see if he wanted to ride. He expressed the same weariness, but agreed that a ride might be just the thing, so we arranged to meet in one hour at a gas station north of town for a ride he likes to do out there.

I think I’d been on that ride once before. It’s a beautiful ride, keeping mostly to lightly-trafficked roads. It goes in and out of woods, next to pasture-land, along the side of several creeks, et cetera. We kept it at a pretty easy pace, what I like to call a conversational pace (i.e., you never go so hard that it hinders conversation). That always makes it an easy way to pass the miles, and we ended up riding just under 30 miles today.

John suggested a Nutty-Buddy for a post-ride treat, so we sat at an outside table (actually, THE outside table) at the gas station and enjoyed our ice cream while watching the people coming in and out of the parking lot.

I got home at about 4:45 pm. It’s now 7:45 pm, and I’ve switched out loads of laundry, let the dogs out and fed them, eaten dinner with Mrs. Guy, painted in our Master Bath, and am about to complete a blog post. Next, I plan to go work on straightening out the garage until Mrs. Guy gets done working on her expense report, and then I hope to convince to go for a long walk with me and the dogs.

I enjoy an occasional Lazy Sunday as much as the next guy, but I think that the ride today was just the thing I needed to break out of a serious lag.

Farewell to Raul (Don't Be A Stranger)

Thu, 27 Jul 2006 03:07:57 GMT

I was out later than I meant to be tonight, but I had a good reason. Raul and his wife are moving this weekend (actually, she's already moved), and he put together a 'last ride' tonight and invited me to join them. We had seven riders go out on a rolling loop east and south of downtown on several roads I'd never been on before.

It was billed as an easy relaxed-pace ride, but that is one of the well-known 'bike lies'. One of the three Johns on the ride kept cranking it up on the uphills, which meant that I was of course the last to reach the top of most of them. The one good thing about my weight, though, is that I am usually able to catch up on the downhills, which I did easily enough tonight.

The ride passed mostly without incident, though John B. did bend his rim after trying to jump his bike over the railroad tracks out by the FedEx distribution center. Actually it was the jump so much as the landing that caused the problem. One of the guys produced a multitool with a spoke wrench attachment, so he was at least able to get the wheel back in true enough that the rim didn't rub the brakes, but he did end up with a flat spot on his rim. I think that the constant 'thump thump thump...' didn't do him too much good, but he did continue the ride (and this was within the first ten or twelve miles, too).

We rode for about 30 miles and then decided to cross the street from the record store where we all had parked to go get something to eat. I find that it isn't terribly difficult to find a table for eight (one of the guys' wife joined us for dinner) at a Ruby Tuesdays at 8:30 pm on a Wednesday evening. It was a good way to spend an evening, but I hate that Raul is moving. At least he's only moving to Chattanooga, so there's hope that he can meet us for some mountain bike rides at Tanasi and Aska Road, and maybe he will even come back to do some cyclocross racing. Chattanooga is only about 90 minutes away (and the Tanasi trails are almost exactly equidistant).

So, farewell for now, Raul, and we'll see you out there on the occasional weekend.

It's Getting Better All The Time

Tue, 25 Jul 2006 02:46:11 GMT

I have to admit it's getting better.

I got a call from Ron the other day asking if I wanted to ride this evening. Oh, absolutely. The plan was to hit The Boulevard with Wally at 6:00 pm. I called John B. to let him know about riding if he wanted to show up for it, too. As soon as I left work today I beat a hasty path home to walk and feed the dogs and change into cycling gear before heading out.

I got to The Boulevard right on time, only to find that the lower parking area I usually park in was closed off. Someone said later that they were going to repave it, but I would stipulate that it would have to have been paved before it could be repaved. I have been going down there to that parking lot for about eighteen years now, and although there were some vestiges of something that might once have been called 'asphalt', I contend that it could have been left over chunks that someone brought over at one time or another. John B. grew up within a few blocks of there and he doesn't even remember it ever being what could be considered 'paved'. Anyway, I ended up at the "upper" lot tonight.

I had talked to Ron on the way over, and he said he might be a few minutes late and that I should go ahead and start riding (after all, it's just a big out-and-back divided road with plenty of cross-overs). I started riding at about 6:10 and soon ended up meeting Daniel out riding. He and I swapped our recent medical tales of woe as we did a few laps while waiting on Ron and Wally. At one point or another we also rode with Jenny and her friend Shannon for about half of a lap.

Ron and his friend Scott (who just moved to the area in the last two months) showed up finally, so I said "Bye" to Daniel (he was about done riding) and pulled a cyclocross maneuver to cross the grass divider over to the side that Ron and Scott were on. We stopped off at the parking lot to see if Wally was ready, but he sent us on around for another lap while he got his stuff together (I'm not the President, so I have to say "stuff"). We went all the way around and finally found Wally riding with Jenny and Shannon. That sly dog.

We decided to climb the hill at the end of the Boulevard, so we took off all the way to the top at Kingston Pike, where we finally ran into (well, not literally) John and his wife, Leslie, who had just arrived. At that point I found that just about everyone had their own riding pace tonight, so I split most of my time between three groupings of riders so I could pretty much have a chance to talk to everybody.

Now, I had planned on riding something between fifteen and twenty miles tonight. Before I even realized it, I was closing in on 26 miles, which officially made this my longest ride since April. By the time I got back together with Ron, Wally and Scott and finished the lap we were on, I had ridden a little over thirty miles, and I felt good. If I ride by myself on the Boulevard I can usually get that fifteen to twenty before boredom with doing the loops gets to me, but having friends around can really make a huge difference. If we'd had more time (and If I'd had more water), I might could have done another ten miles before conking out.

Ron, Wally, Scott and I went out for Asian cuisine afterward. We used to do it frequently when we were doing the once-a-week mountain bike ride. It took tonight to make me realize how much I've missed that.

Good friends make a good ride. Tonight I had, at various times, eight friends. I should count these blessings more often.

Getting Back

Sat, 22 Jul 2006 17:25:18 GMT

I had a physical therapy session yesterday morning at 9:00. I hadn't been to PT since the last week in June, what with being out on vacation and then having to wait for a schedule spot. I really don't like going to PT (not that I suppose anyone does), but it's been worse this time around. The nice (?) thing about surgery to plate a broken bone is that at least the bone is stable afterward and through the recovery process. Not so this time. There's been a good deal more pain to go through, and especially during PT. I'm still waiting for Star Trek technology to get here so I can have some Gates McFadden look-alike wave a flashing d-cell battery-sized doodad over my collarbone and say "There you go...good as new."

But yesterday morning wasn't all PT. I'd asked John B. to meet me out at Anchor Park for a 25 to 30 mile ride after PT was over. He was there waiting when I got there, so he had to wait a few minutes for me to get changed and also replace the rear tire that I had blow out on Thursday. I had thrown a slightly-use tire and a couple of tubes in the car along with the bike that morning hoping to have time to change it out before John showed up, but PT went a little long.

I stripped the old tire/tube off the rim and put on the other tire with a new tube. I hooked up the pump, gave it a few strokes...and noticed that the tube wasn't holding air. It was leaking from the stem. I made a quick grumble about shoddy tubes while stripping that tube out and putting another tube in. I gave the pump a few strokes and...that tube wasn't holding air either, only the leak was from another spot close to the stem (but not the stem itself). More grumbles, a bit louder this time.

John suggested that maybe something was wrong with the rim, but we took another look and there wasn't anything obvious. I pulled my last tube out, which was the one from my saddlebag, knowing that this was it; no more tubes. I put the tube in - carefully - and gave the pump a few strokes. Twenty psi - so far, so good. Sixty psi - still holding. One twenty psi - whew, I think it's going to hold. And it did.

So, fifteen minutes after we'd meant to leave, we finally got started on our ride. We started out following the course that one of the local clubs uses for one of its weekly rides (a ride I've also done quite a lot), but then I asked John if he wanted to deviate a little from that route.

"Well," he said, "if we're going to deviate, let's really deviate!"

So we did. We took a lot of further-back than back roads and just enjoyed the natural scenery. There was a bit more climbing on this route, but I found that I wasn't having shoulder troubles from it (just out-of-shape troubles), and we had a lot of shade and a little breeze. We came back onto the 'other club route' a few times, usually going the opposite direction of their route. That was nice since it gives a different perspective on the same roads.

All was well until we hit Virtue Road. The heat had been adding up and we were out of the shade for the most part. It turned into a tough climb for me on that account. I felt like I was crawling at times. John had to hold up and wait for me a little while at the top of the climb. Then we hit the other part of 'all is not well'.

I used to ride these roads a lot, especially back in the early 1990s. Jon N. and I would take many and various routes from Anchor Park back in those days. It was just one of the best areas to ride in, as most of the area was covered by farms of various sizes. Now, the area is starting to be covered by suburban blight as many farmers sell out to developers who go in and put in as many houses per McNeighborhood as they can fit in. Huge houses (that look astonishingly alike), small yards, no trees. This seems to be at its worst near the east end of Virtue Road. Maybe I just need to scout out new roads to ride.

We finished our ride with closer to 23 miles than 25, but it was probably a good distance for me to ride, and it helped that I had John to ride with (if only to help me ride more consistently). I think it's time I stopped training solo for now if only for that reason. In fact, Ron just called a few minutes ago to see if I want to ride with him and Wally on Monday.

You know, it's good to have friends (and apparently, multiple spare tubes).

Trivia Answers from 7/13

1. Who was Agent 86? Agent 86 was also known as Maxwell Smart from the TV series "Get Smart"

2. Syd Barrett died last week. What famous band did he belong to in the 1960's? Syd was one of the founding memners of Pink Floyd. His death was all over the news in the UK that week (not surprisingly).

3. What band did Peter Gabriel belong to in the late 1960's? Peter Gabriel was the lead singer for Genesis in the days before Phil Collins.

4. Who provided the voice of Shaggy? If you've ever listened to the "American Top Forty" radio show from 1970 to 1988, or again from 1998 to 2003, you might recognize that the voice that made Shaggy famous belongs to Casey Kasem, who hosted AT40 during those years. (Shadoe Stevens hosted from 1988 to 1995 when it was briefly cancelled, and Ryan Seacrest hosts it now.)

5. Who shot Martin Luther King, Jr? James Earl Ray was arrested at London Heathrow two months after killing King and was sent back to Tennessee, where he was convicted and sentenced to 99 years in prison.

Bonus Question: Byron De La Beckwith was (eventually) convicted of killing another famous African American civil rights leader in 1963. Who? Medgar Evers was shot by De la Beckwith in his driveway just hours after John F. Kennedy gave a nationally televised speech supporting civil rights.

Blow Out

Fri, 21 Jul 2006 01:44:33 GMT

I took another ride home from Kelly and Kevin’s tonight. They’ll be back late on Saturday, so I’ll probably get a chance to do this once more on Saturday morning.I’ve ridden home from there three times this week, and I’ve taken a different route each time (just for variety, and to help add a little mileage each time).

Today I went further south than the other two rides. I rode past the campus of the University of Tennessee, onto the Third Creek Greenway, over onto The Boulevard, and on West through the more residential zones south of Kingston Pike.

I stopped on the way over to Kelly and Kevin’s to pick up my bike from Bike Zoo, where I was having some work done on it. I’ve been riding an older bike the other times this week. I love the way this bike feels, but I made a mental note that I need to replace the rear tire soon. I also prefer the saddle on this bike. Much fewer comfort issues.

I decided to shout long on my route and double back toward the house. Instead of turning north up Cedar Bluff, I stayed on Parkside going west with the plan of taking Lovell back northeast toward home. I didn’t get that far. I did get to the spot on Parkside where it goes under I-140. I never saw what I rode over, but it was sharp. BANG!!!

I coasted to a stop near the Honda dealer’s entrance and started thinking “I’m glad I’m on the bike with the patch kit.” It didn’t matter. Whatever I hit put a sizable hole in the sidewall of my tire. A new tube wasn’t going to do it; I needed a new tire. At least it was the same tire I’d already planned to replace.

So I called Mrs. Guy and she came back out and picked me up, just three or so miles from home. <sigh>

Trivia Time

It's that time of the week again. Don't forget the Rules and to email your answers to bgoab (at) mindspring (dot) com.

1. What religious denomination was Tour de France phenom Floyd Landis brought up in?

2. What does 'BART' stand for to San Franciscans?

3. Who bought McDonalds from the McDonald brothers and made it the most successful franchise restaurant?

4. The Hudson Bay is bounded by what large peninsula on it's east side?

5. Asa Candler (1851-1929) is seen as being responsible for the overwhelming success of what famous product?

Extra Credit Science Question: 'PV=nRT' is also know as __________.

Huh? You Blind?

Wed, 19 Jul 2006 01:13:08 GMT

I did take the ride I'd threatened to on Sunday. Mrs. Guy and I drove over to our friend's (Kelly and Kevin) house so we could feed the cats and water the plants (and boy, has it been dry here lately). It's the least we could do, really, especially since they took care of our cats while we were off on holiday. We just tend to do that for each other a lot.

So Mrs. Guy did most of the feeding and I did most of the watering and then I rode the sixteen or so miles home from there. A good ride, but unremarkable. I could tell that I've got a way to go to get back in any kind of riding shape, but I wasn't suffering like a dog, either.

Then, yesterday, we celebrated Mrs. Guy's birthday (don't ask how old she is, 'cause I won't say). I tried to take her out for dinner, but since we spent twelve days in a row doing nothing but eating out, she decided that she wanted to eat at home. We fixed a nice simple dinner (which is also what she wanted), then dessert of strawberry and raspberry shortcakes (raspberry for her), and then we watched TV until she fell asleep. In all, one of her favorite ways to spend an evening.

Today we needed to go feed cats and water plants again, so again I loaded the bike in the car and off we went. Sticking with a well established and time-honored tradition (i.e., since two days ago), she fed cats and I watered plants. Works for us.

Then I got ready to ride. I decided to change my route a bit and try to get a few more than just sixteen miles. I headed toward downtown, but was thwarted in my preferred route by a spate of closed roads. Instead I rode through a part of town that most people don't even like to drive their cars through. Personally I've never had a problem there.

I then ended up riding on another road that I hadn't been on in several years. Back in the early 1990s a classmate of Mrs. Guy's in Vet School lived in a small house there. She was Mrs. Guy's best friend back then, and we spent a lot of time together with her and her on-again, off-again boyfriend. Then one night she called me in tears asking if I could bring every tool I owned and as much spare wood as I could get quickly. This was at 12:15 am on a work night, but how could I turn down such an intriguing request? We got there to find the front door standing open and our friend standing just inside. At least it looked like the door was open, until I realized that most of what was left at her door was scattered around her feet. The boyfriend picked that night to make it a premanently "off" situation between them and decided that he'd never liked her front door anyway. While Mrs. Guy consoled her friend (and tried to convince her to go back to our apartment for the night, but she wouldn't), I gathered the biggest pieces of what was left of her door and nailed together a rather workable, if temporary, replacement for the evening. And then I nailed it irrevocably shut. I went out the next evening and helped her pick out a new door and had another friend help me install it.

That door is still on that house.

That door still has yet to be painted.

It's probably a little late to attempt to paint that door now.

Ten minutes later I'm waiting at a traffic light behind a couple of stopped cars. I hear, from somewhere way behind me, "Hey! Nice butt!"

Huh? Are they talking to me? Are they mental? I mean, yeah, I'm an athlete, but I know that I'm a way overweight athlete. According to those charts on the wall at the doctor's office I should weigh somewhere between 180 and 205 pounds. Right now I weigh somewhere between 240 and 245 pounds. I'm not proud of that, just trying to be honest. Realistically, I'll probably not see 205 pounds again, at least not easily (shoot, 200 pounds won't be easy).

OK, so maybe I'm being a bit pessimistic. Maybe I really do have a nice butt? I can't really tell, particularly since I can't really see it easily without a bunch of smoke and mirrors (and I suspect smoke would be a great benefit at my current weight). I guess I could ask the only person I'd feel comfortable asking (Mrs. Guy), but I think her opinion might be somewhat biased. Or then again, maybe I really don't want to hear what she thinks about my butt right now. Hmm. She might be tempted to hand me a "Wide Load" sign to wear while I'm riding.

The light turned green and I took off with traffic, followed by a quick right onto Papermill Road. Just then a car comes by with a not-unattractive girl sitting in the passenger seat who says to me "Hey, didn't you hear me? I said you have a nice butt."

"Oh, uh, thanks."

"You're welcome." she said as they drove off.

Maybe she just forgot her contacts. Or maybe...maybe she thinks I'm rich...

I'll get back to the travelogue tomorrow...

Back In The Saddle Again

Fri, 14 Jul 2006 21:47:40 GMT

Well, somewhat, anyway. I have now been given clearance by my doctor to begin riding again, but I'm supposed to be taking it easy for a while. That won't be very difficult at first, especially since I've been off the bike since May 20th, and even then I had just gotten back on the bike after over five weeks off of the bike. So really, I've been in bicycling limbo since mid-April. The worst part is that I seem to have regained every single pound I'd lost since the beginning of the year. Back to Square One. Or maybe even Square Zero to start with.

Today I went and did 16 easy miles down on Cherokee Boulevard, AKA "The Boulevard" or "The BLVD" around here. It's a well established very nice residential area that just happens to have wide lanes and mostly slow and respectful traffic. I was a good boy. I took it easy. No sprints. No climbing the hill on the east end. No schooling the two jerks who laughed at me for going slow on a fine racing bike (but I could have...).

I rode for a little less than an hour (average speed was 17.5 mph), and stopped because my butt isn't used to being in the seat right now and because there was lightning getting close (more because of the second reason than the first). Sure enough, I drove about a quarter of a mile and the clouds started dumping so much rain I could barely see out of the windshield.

But at least I got started back.

Trivia Answers from 6/29

OK, I know I haven't updated the trivia scores yet, but I'll catch up in the next day or so. I promise.

1. What is the popular culture significance of 'NCC-1701'? This was the serial number of the Starship Enterprise from the original series and the first few movies. Later ships named Enterprise in the Star Trek movies and shows were given the same serial number after the original ship was destroyed, but with an -A, -B, -C, et cetera appended onto the end. The exception to this is that the ship in the series 'prequel' (starring Scott Bakula) had a different, earlier serial number.

2. Name the group formed by Joseph Shabalala that gained fame when they collaborated with Paul Simon on several tracks from the 'Graceland' album. Ladysmith Black Mambazo is the group in question. Paul Simon got some flack for "breaking the cultural boycott" then in effect as an anti-apartheid measure, but since he was showcasing the talent of black musical groups from South Africa, the UN saw things Paul's way (especially since the South African government was getting no benefit from it).

3. Prince William graduated from university last year. Which one? His Royal Highness Prince William of Wales graduated from St. Andrews with a Masters Degree in Geography. While there, he used the name 'William Wales', which I guess was easier to sign on all of his paperwork than 'William Arthur Philip Louis Mountbatten-Windsor'.

4. What was the first man-made satellite to reach orbit around the earth? Yeah, the Soviets beat us into orbit with Sputnik.

5. What was the first animal to reach orbit around earth (it's name and species)? The Soviets also beat us in sending a living creature into orbit, in this case a dog named 'Laika'.

6. What was the name of the first chimp to go into orbit around earth? But the Americans beat the Soviets by sending the first primate up, who's name was Ham. Ham lived on for another 22 years after his famous flight.

7. What was the first man-made object to achieve orbit around a celestial body other than Earth (OK, this one's pretty hard)? OK, the Soviets got us again with Luna 10 (or 'Lunik 10') which went into orbit around the moon in April of 1966.

8. Which retired professional cyclist will be doing the RAGBRAI (Register's Annual Great Bicycle Ride Across Iowa) this year? Scheduled to appear is none other than Lance Armstrong himself. My buddy John H. is excited about it, as he'd already signed up for RAGBRAI.

9. If you were in England from 1969 to 1981 and you were talking about the "Post Office", what might you have been talking about other than the delivery of mail? The telephone service. At the advent of telephone and telegraph, the government of the UK decided that they should fall under the perview of the Royal Mail, since it still dealt with the delivery of messages from one locale to another. In 1981 all telecommunications services were transfered to British Telecom, which is a private business entity.

10. Robert Burns once wrote a poem dedicated to a certain food. What food was that? Quite simply, Haggis.

Fortune

Thu, 29 Jun 2006 00:31:41 GMT

I was out this morning, as I am nearly every morning, walking the dogs well before the sun came up. I’m usually still trying hard to wake up, but when the sky is clear – or there are only minimal clouds – I like to look up and just take in the stars while one dog or another is taking her time to find that…perfect…spot. There weren’t too many clouds out this morning, and the viewing was good. I though about looking for Venus, but it was too low on the horizon and there are numerous trees to the east of my house. Instead, I looked mostly up and to the southwest.

What I saw was the usual cluster of stars, but there was one that seemed to be moving steadily toward the southern horizon. It wasn’t blinking, so that ruled out an airplane. I figured that I was looking up at an orbiting satellite that just happened to be illuminated by the sun from that angle. Sure enough, a Google search later confirmed that it was an old rocket body (Cosmos 1980, launched in 1988). “Pretty cool,” I thought.

I’ve been lucky enough to see some other satellites before. I was at a friend’s house one night when we saw the ISS (Int’l Space Station) go overhead. I’ve even seen an Iridium Flash (or Iridium Flare, if you prefer) before. Those can be quite intense, and occur when the solar panels line up just right to reflect the Sun’s rays directly at you for a brief instant.

But then something else happened. As I was watching Cosmos 1980 trace its slow arc across the sky, a shooting star (meteorite, whatever) flashed in and out of view across the path of old Cosmos 1980. From my angle it looked as though they were very close to each other, though in reality they were likely many, many miles apart at their closest.

I’ve been victim of some bad luck lately. I don’t sit about lamenting it much because there’s no point in it. But I’ve had some good luck come along, too. What were the odds that I would even see Cosmos 1980 in the morning sky, much less see the shooting star flare up across its path? Pretty darn small, I’ll tell you.

Sometimes you have to remember what good luck looks like when it comes along…

I rode my bike today (first ride since mid-May). I got home and the weather was nice, so I dragged out the singlespeed road bike and took off. I rode and rode and rode...for about a mile and a half. That's all I really needed tonight, and frankly, I didn't have time for much more than that. I just rode once around the neighborhood to get the mental charge out of it. It felt great overall, but I do notice that the shoulder is still a bit sore and I can't do too much weight-bearing yet on it. That will come in time. My next planned ride is in two weeks, so I hope to feel a little better with it by then.

Wish Mrs. Guy luck tomorrow. She's flying back from Philly, but the Philly airport is notorious for major delays. She's scheduled to get in a little before 10pm, and then start packing her bag for vacation. A delay would be bad. A cancellation (and extra night in Philly) would be catastrophic. I'm keeping my fingers crossed.

Shame

Wed, 28 Jun 2006 01:15:38 GMT

I missed it. I completely missed it. I can’t believe I missed it.

Every summer I celebrate the solstice with a ride. It’s the longest day of the year, so I feel that the best way to recognize such a thing is to get out into the sunshine. I have done this almost every year for the last seventeen or eighteen, even during years I wasn’t really doing much (if any other) riding.

I can remember long rides in the first half of the 1990’s – rides of 40 miles or more that wouldn’t end until dusk. I have been on rides in the 2000’s that have been similar, some longer, some shorter. I have even started a ride in the rain just because it was warm out and it was the solstice (what better reason did I need?).

During the last half of the 1990’s it was a little more difficult. I lived in Massena, New York in 1995 and 1996. In ’95 I made friends with another cyclist who was also a recent arrival to the area. Angelo worked for the company that I was a contractor for. We did some riding when we could, at least getting out once a week or so. Our ’95 Summer Solstice ride took place across the border in Canada along the St. Lawrence Recreational Trail. A beautiful place to ride, I can assure you.

The following year I lost Angelo to his new wife most weeks. We still rode about once a month, but for shorter distances. My ride that year started solo, but I soon met up with a couple of cyclotourists and rode about 15 miles with them before turning around and heading back. That was a long ride for me that year.

’97 and ’98 saw me near Limestone, Maine from April to October. The roads near Limestone were in pretty rough shape due to hard winter freeze/thaw cycles. (Maine joke: There’s only two seasons in Maine: Winter, and Road Construction.) I did my ride on the road in ’97, but it was a short ride. I’d been too long off the bike, and I also had a cookout to attend. My later rides that year were confined to the old runway at the former Loring Air Force Base (over two miles straight long, flat, exposed, but in great condition). I’m not necessarily proud of that fact.

I took to the trail on my old mountain bike during the next year, but I only rode a few times due to the prevalence of mosquitoes and black flies. My solstice ride took me around the Loring site on old unpaved roads. That was a good ride, though, since I saw three moose, a wolf, a couple of raccoons, and a few other small critters.

I spent 1999 and 2000 in Huntsville, Alabama. I did not ride on the solstice in 1999. I had a bike, and it was in rideable condition, but there were tornado warnings and strong storms that night. Instead, I went down to my apartment complex’s racquetball courts and played for a few hours. Hey, at least I did something.

2000 saw the reawakening of my cycling passion, and I spent the ride in the company of some strangers and some recent acquaintances on the pristine roads of the Army’s Redstone Arsenal.

I’ve ridden every year since. Except this year, due of course to my spate of recent injuries. I would have spent this year doing exactly nothing, and I did just that. But I missed it. It slid right by and I didn’t even realize it happened until last night.

Instead, I went out to dinner with my wife and her coworker from Minnesota. It was a good dinner, and good conversation. I’ll just have to be happy enough with that. But I think I will make up for it next year.

Lonely, Sooo Lonely

Tue, 20 Jun 2006 00:03:24 GMT

It's sad. I mean, very sad.

Very.

I was sitting at the kitchen table going through the mail. Sorting out the bills from the junk mail, the magazines from the catalogs, the wheat from the chaff...

And that's when I heard it. It was unmistakeable, really. It took less than a moment for full recognition to come to me, and I knew what it was. The lyrics seemed to be coming from the basement.

"...I'm so lonesome, I could die..." softly, softly wafting through the floor...

<Sigh> "Self," I said to myself (because I was talking to me), "This can't be good. I'd better go see what's going on down there."

My first thought was that the dogs had gotten into a maudlin mood because it took me more than ten minutes to come after them after they got their dinner. They must have gotten over to my shop stereo and decided to listen to a little bit of Ol' Hank Sr. But that wasn't it at all. The barricade keeping them out of the shop half of the basement was still up. It looked like a mystery in the making.

Suddenly the music changed, though. Hank had finished his song, and I was now hearing the sad refrains of "Oh, Lonesome Me".

"Hmm," I thought. "I don't even own any Don Gibson CDs. This is getting wierd."

I walked over into the shop area and turned on the light. What I saw nearly broke my heart in two. Even now I cringe in pain at the thought of the scene then laid out before me. There they were, all of them, just huddled around the stereo one leaning against the next.

I swear to you right now, if bicycles could cry I'd still be wringing out towels from trying to dry off the floor.

I knew immediately what was happening. They felt neglected. It's only natural, really. There's a calendar in the basement - they know it's June. There's a window to the outside - they know the sun's been shining. They know I haven't been consumed with some woodworking project - the tools are arrayed unused around them. They felt betrayed.

They must have wondered. Did they think I had a new love? One that I sequestered in the garage so they wouldn't see? Was I spending all of my cycle-love on someone else? Or was it possible that - oh, the shock is almost too great to say it - I was giving up the bike life? That I'd somehow "outgrown" them and moved on to some vain automobile or something?

"No, no, that's not it at all", I said. I tried to explain the pain I feel at not being able to ride right now. They didn't believe me - they thought it a clever ploy. I explained the broken collarbone to them, showed them the sling, but there was still a heavy layer of doubt hanging over the room. "Anyone can get a sling if they know where to look", I heard mumbled (possibly the LeMond?)

I took off my shirt and showed them the still-sizeable bump where the break is. The mood started to lighten a bit, but then I heard another mumble, "Yeah, but that wouldn't have stopped Tyler." (I never had the heart to tell them about Tyler's two-year suspension on doping charges).

"Maybe," I said, "But Tyler's younger than me. Not only that, he gets a new bike every few weeks. Do you think he even knows where the bike he was riding in that Tour is right now? Huh? Does he love his bikes like I do? Huh?" It was a low blow, I'll admit, but I needed to gain back some lost ground rather quickly.

I spent the next few minutes talking about all the good times each of us had together, and that I wasn't about to let any of that go. I talked about each of their strengths and how I needed each one of them. I told them exactly what my expected 'back-on-the-bike' date is. I finished up with a promise to come spend time with each of them over the coming weeks - a bit of chain lube here, tightening a loose cable there, new chains for the Seven and the Jekyll (I already have them, but I was saving them to be a surprise).

I think things will be OK now. As I walked over to get the dogs to take them out I heard the stereo start to play again. As I opened the door I could just hear in the background "...We can work it out..." I think the Beatles can cure anything sometimes.

Wait a minute - how did they even turn the darned thing on?!?

Banjo Bag

Sat, 17 Jun 2006 22:50:37 GMT

OK, I am waaay overdue for reviewing the Banjo Brothers saddle bag that I got back months ago. I should have done this by now, but I can name other things I’m behind on as well. Still, I guess I can do this here and cross it off of the ever-growing “To Do” list.

First of all, let me say that I got the bag for free from a contest that Elden Nelson (the Fat Cyclist) did way back. I was happy to win, especially as I had a couple of bikes without saddle bags.

But then came the problem: which bike to put it on? My main road bike and mountain bike already have serviceable saddle bags attached. I didn’t want to put it on the old road bike (that I almost never ride and am meaning to list on eBay) or on the cyclocross bike unless I decided to convert it for commuting (hasn’t happened yet this year). I came down to deciding between the tandem and the singlespeed road bike. The tandem won out for now, though I may move it to another bike at some point.

Right from the outset I found something I really like about this bag, and that’s the strap that goes around the seat post. Most bags use a simple Velcro strap that always ends up being too long or too short but never ‘just right’, and the ends usually don’t line up well. The Banjo Brothers bag uses a little buckle-like thing that the strap loops through, and the strap fits perfectly back against the side of the bag again. The strap attaching the bag to the saddle rails is similar to other bag designs I’ve used, but it works well, so there’s no real reason to change that.

I’ve got the medium-sized bag, which is barely big enough to hold the stuff I normally have in my road bike’s bag (tube, patch kit, CO₂ cartridge, tire levers, multi-tool, and $5 bill), but the tubes for the tandem’s tires are slightly larger than for the road bike. Not to worry, though, because the bag is designed to expand by unzipping a small bellows on the bottom of the bag, allowing for larger tubes and maybe even extra CO₂ cartridges. I guess you could fit house/car keys in it, but I usually throw those into a jersey pocket (ever since a buddy lost his keys on a mountain bike trail when he didn’t quite get the zipper all the way closed).

Just like the Ford Model T, you can get the Banjo Brothers bag in any color you want as long as it’s black. That makes sense, though. A white or light-colored bag would just permanently stain the first time you rode on a wet road or through a puddle anyway. Besides, as some fashionista once pointed out, “Black goes with everything.”

All in all, I like the bag, and not just because it was free. Banjo Brothers also sent me a “Pocket Messenger Bag” at one point, but I’ll have to wait until I actually have a chance to use it before I can review it, and I’ll have to be back on the bike for that to happen. Let me just say that my first impression is that it looks like a slightly oversized mussette bag on initial inspection, so I will just have to expand upon that at some later date.

Big Guy Rating on Medium Size Saddle Bag: Thumb Up.

EMC Update

Mon, 12 Jun 2006 00:41:38 GMT

Well, I think the English Mountain Challenge ride went quite well overall, with only a few hitches here and there. Not bad for only our second year of doing this ride. Last year we had around 80 or so riders. This year I think the official number was 136, so we're growing. Not bad at all. Next year? Maybe 200? We'll see.

I started my day at 5:30 am, leaving the house at around 6 am to go to John B.'s. From there we drove his company van to Sevierville, getting there at about 7:10 or so. We had the large maps and the PA system, so we first set up those and then just helped out with other stuff in general. I tried to help Jay N. with the "Official Clock", but it was a lost cause.

We (our club) had borrowed the clock from another local club for the weekend. It's one of those timers that just keeps up with elapsed time. We had the clock. We had power to the clock. We had the user's manual for the clock. What we didn't have was a way to start the clock timing, since the remote control used for that very purpose was not in the box with everything else. So, what we had was a very official looking display on a stand that read 0:00:00 all day long. I just hope someone from the other club knows where the remote is, because they plan on using the clock at an event next week.

Our first official duty as SAG* was to go out and stop traffic at one of the first four intersections on the route leaving downtown. John B. and I were joined by Jon C. for this, (Jon was SAGging the 26 mile course riders). I sanpped a few photos of the group as they went by, but that was the last time I got to use the camera (and the pictures didn't really turn out well, anyway).

Out on the course it was SAG business as usual, meaning that you never know just what to expect. At one point early on we stopped so I could help Derek's girlfriend put her chain back on and then gave her a push (since she was on an uphill stretch). A little later we came up on a guy who has gone down when he slipped on gravel. I offered some neosporin for the roadrash, but he said he didn't want to touch it to rub ointment on. He and his buddy got going again and John and I turned to see what we could do about the gravel in that section...except, there really wasn't any. We could see a few small incidental pebbles scattered widely about, but that was it. We could see the spot where he crashed, and found the small rock he'd hit. He had to have hit it just right (or just wrong) for it to take him down.

We spent the next two frustrating hours mostly following three guys who were riding very, very slow, way off the back of the ride. That's fine, though. That's the ride they wanted to do, so we're happy for them to do it, but it can get boring riding along at five to ten miles per hour in the van. Once in a while we would drive 5 to ten miles on ahead to make sure that someone up ahead wasn't having problems and wondering where the SAG support was, and then circle backto find that our three in the caboose hadn't gone nearly as far in our absence as we'd hoped. Once they finally got to Rest Stop #2, which was also the split-point for the 63 miles course and the 109 mile course, we were able to go out onto the 109 mile route to chase after the riders out there. We were so far behind by then that we didn't see a rider for almost twenty miles, which was just before the next rest stop.

We picked up a passenger at that stop. One of the riders was overheating/dehydrated, so we stuck his bike in the back of the van and him in the back seat. While at that stop we also help a guy replace his front derailleur cable (he had a spare - who carries a spare derailleur cable? Other that him, that is).

The next part of the course was in full sun (the first part was mostly shady) and the temperature was creeping up. I had brought along five bottles of water, and ended up giving four of them out to people who ran out between that rest stop and the next one. We stayed a little while at the next stop to wait for people we'd leap-frogged past. Rick was providing some SAG support on his motorbike and went back to check on them while we grabbed a quick bit of food and stretched out (after having been sitting in a van seat for a long while).

The last of the riders planning on going over English Mountain had left, leaving only the guys doing the by-pass route. John and I decided to go on and follow the climbers, knowing that Mike would be coming along in his van and could SAG the by-passers. John H. had been the last of the over-the-mountain riders to leave the rest stop, so we came up on him first. He looked OK, so we kept going up to the top counting riders passed along the way.

Let me tell you; the climb up English Mountain is hard (I've also used the word "heinous" to describe it). Even from the van we could tell just how bad it was for the riders. The pitch changes often, there are a few false-tops, and each time you round a bend, you have another ridiculous pitch facing you. It just seems like it never ends. Then you crest the climb and go downhill, only to find that you have to climb back up again. It's hard, and even the ones who end up having to get off and walk parts of it win my respect for even getting all the way to the top.

John H. passed one guy on his way up. John even rode the last hard pitch that I watched most people walk up. Good show, John. The last rider up was one we'd seen a few times before, and each time we thought he was nuts. He was wearing a long-sleeve cotton t-shirt with black sleeves and tights. He must have been burning up out there, but he still did the whole ride. Amazing that he didn't have trouble with heat stress.

We did see more of that though. After we left the mountain and were on the fifteen mile home stretch we decided to go ahead and run our passenger back to the start/finish and come back out to sweep the remaining riders. At about eight miles to go we saw a rider lying in the grass on the side of the road with some other guy (not a cyclist) sitting next to him. John stopped the van and we walked over to see what was up. Turns out that we knew him (but I'm not going to use his name here). He was having heat cramps and had gotten to the point where he wasn't absorbing the water he was drinking anymore. We tried to get him into the van, but he said "No, no, Tony has ridden ahead to get the truck. I don't have his cell number, and I don't want him to get back and not find me."

After discussing it for a while, John and I decided that it would be best if he went ahead and drove the other guy back while I waited with our friend. (The other guy sitting there lived across the road and had come to see what was up, bringing a six-pack - which he was offering to share - with him. A redneck, but a gentleman redneck.) I waited there with them for about ten minutes before Tony showed up and we got our friend and his bike into the truck for the trip back to the start-finish where he could be checked out by the medico's.

Five minutes later John called my cell. "Hey, can you get a ride back with those guys? I'm not sure I can find my way back to you now."

"Um, no. They just left. I can give you directions to get back here, though. You don't have to backtrack the course."

"OK, I'll call you back when I get ready to leave the start/finish again."

So I stood there alone on the side of the road for a while. I'd thanked Our redneck buddy for looking out for our friend for a while and he'd gone back to his home (though he did try to leave me with a beer - thanks, but no). I realized that since I had cell signal (which we hadn't for most of the day) that it was time to check voice-mail and return a couple of calls. Right as I finished up, Mike came around the corner in his van and I flagged him down. I called John and told him I now had a ride and I'd see him back at the start/finish. Mike got a good laugh about having to SAG one of the SAG guys.

I checked with people on our lying-on-the-roadside friend when I got back. They had taken him into the showers at the community center where we were staged, but they said it looked like he'd be fine. John B. and I talked to John H. a little and then got ready to leave, our job done. John B. had already packed his PA gear in the van, so all we had to really do was hunt down Steve to give him back the toolkit we'd borrowed.

We drove back to John's and I hopped in my car to go find Mrs. Guy on her errand run. Remember how I had the car at the mechanic on Friday to have the A/C fixed? I'd also mentioned that I'd had a problem once last week with the engine running rough for a while - stumbling, if you will. "We couldn't reproduce it and it didn't show up in the engine codes download." I told them what I thought it was (having been checking the forum boards on that particular model). "Nah, it's not that. It's fine." Well, on the way from the New Balance store to the music store, it started doing it again, but worse. I was barely able to get it from there to the mechanic's shop two mile further down the road. This time I will be insisting. But at least the A/C works.

Which is more than I can say about the house. Remember that they came on Friday and fixed that? It went out again last night, and they can't come fix it until tomorrow.

sigh...

*In case you didn't know, SAG stands for "Support And Gear"

Bike Punkd

Thu, 08 Jun 2006 23:24:10 GMT

Once in a while you run into a situation where a prank is called for. Maybe someone is being a little too cocky or full of themselves. Maybe they’ve been trash-talking a bunch. Maybe they've been pranking on you. Maybe it would just be funny.

Let me stress that each of the pranks I’m going to mention are harmless pranks. I don’t advocate any pranks that would cause any physical or fiscal damage to bike or rider. Under no circumstances should you ever cause emotional damage to a bicycle.

Sand in Seat Tube: This little prank was alluded to in this space a week or two ago. What you are doing here is adding a good bit of weight to the bike. It will suddenly become more sluggish in ride quality without there being an obvious reason (like a rubbing brakepad, for instance).

In order to be able to do this one you need two things. First, you need enough sand (any variety) to fill the seat tube. Second, you need enough time with the bike away from the eyes of your intended victim.

One or two words of caution, though. You must be absolutely sure that seat tube is isolated from the bottom bracket. Some of my own bikes are like this, some are not. If you dump in the sand, and it gets to the bottom bracket, you will potentially cause major and permanent damage. This is a bad thing. If you don’t know if it’s isolated or not, best just to forget this prank and move on to the next one. Also, you have to be very careful to clear the sand away from the top of the seat tube to the depth that the seat post will go. Sand in this area is bad as well and can also cause permanent damage.

This is a time-consuming prank, and the fix can be time-consuming for your victim. Consider that before getting started. Best to leave this one to the professionals.

Bolt in seat tube: Much simpler is the addition of a swinging bolt in the seat tube. I have seen this one done quite a few times. The effect is that it causes a ‘tink, tink, tink’ noise while the victim is riding, and is very difficult to figure out. Noises coming from your bike are notoriously difficult to isolate while you are riding. I can remember thinking noise was coming from my front hub once, when the problem was that a couple of chainring bolts weren’t on tight enough.

For this one, all you need is a small bolt, a piece of string, and some good tape (e.g., duct tape). Tie the string around the bolt. Remove the seat post and tape the loose end of the string inside the end of the seat post leaving the bolt hanging a few inches below the bottom. Reinsert the seat post and tighten it into place and you’re done.

Now, to really make this work well, you should be on their next ride with them. When they say “Hey, where’s that noise coming from?” you can misdirect them around a little. Say “Rear axle” or maybe “Crank arms” or something else plausible. If you have confederates, you can even disagree on the source of the noise, further confusing the issue for the victim.

Water Tube - Rated “Difficult”: I’ve only seen this one done once, and it took the prankster some time and planning to get it right. What you have to do is put water in the inner tubes, which will really cause some sluggish handling of the bike. Adding rotational weight out at the edge of the wheel is the place where it will have the most effect.

Now, the really difficult thing is getting the water into the tube. Start by getting as much air out of the tube as possible. Next, well, you have to modify a pump to pump water instead of air (not an easy task). You could immerse a floor pump in water, but that isn’t very practical. I’ll leave it to you to figure out how to do this, because it would take a lot of space here for me to explain how the pump I saw used was modified.

So, once you’ve done all that, pump water into the tube. Get as much as you can in. You will have to finish off with air to get the pressure up, but the less air, the less sloshing (which can be a real giveaway).

The Amazing Lowering Saddle: This is relatively easy to do. Just make sure you are on a ride with the victim that has a lot of stops, and keep an allen wrench handy. Confederates make this one even easier.

At each stop, wait until the victim leaves the bike alone (confederates help here) and then lower the seat about a half-inch (less, if they are really fanatic about their position and would notice a greater change). It might even be a good idea to make sure that you aren’t the only one doing it and can go with the victim at a stop once in a while (and someone else does the lowering).

They probably won’t notice it at first, but more than an inch or so and they’ll start to figure out that something just isn’t right. If they do notice, they may readjust the saddle and chalk it up to slippage (and tighten it down a bit more). That’s when you reverse the polarity of the prank and start raising the seat each time.

The Drag: This one is simple, but requires good bike-handling skills. John B. is a master at this one. All you do is get just behind and beside the victim and reach up under their saddle and grab on. Then slowly stop pedaling. Most likely, they will notice the increase in pedaling difficulty, but if you’re really good, you can do it subtly over the course of several minutes before they catch on. Don’t do this one unless you are really good at riding with only one hand on the bars, and it helps to know that the victim won’t thrash around and crash into you, causing you both to greet pavement.

OK, those are a few tricks that can be employed, but I caution you to choose them wisely and use them sparingly. No one likes a chronic joker, so you might end up having the tables turned on you.

Actually, my lawyer informs me that I should point out that I do not advocate any of the preceding. So, uh, nevermind. Let's just move on to...

Trivia Time

You know the Rules by now. I even think I do, too. Please email answers to bgoab at mindspring dot com.

1. Dave Thomas got famous for starting the Wendy’s chain of restaurants, but before he started Wendy’s, he owned several franchise locations of another fast-food chain. Which one?

2. What is the capital of Ukraine?

3. They finally got Zarqawi, the leader of Al-Qaeda in Iraq. What does Al-Qaeda translate to in English?

4. What are the names of the Three Musketeers?

5. ‘Alba’ is another name for which country?

Bonus Question: What is #5’s National Anthem?

Confirmation

Tue, 06 Jun 2006 23:31:43 GMT

I guess it's official now. I have been declared insane. It was even in the local paper.

There was an article in the Sunday paper to promote my bike club's upcoming ride, the English Mountain Challenge. Let me just reprint the very first sentence of the article (from the Go section of Sunday's Knoxville News-Sentinel).

"The first clue that this group is a bit different, maybe even a little twisted, comes when a member greets a visitor by showing off the bloody bandages on his collarbone."

I'll give you two guesses as to who the article is referring to there, and the first one doesn't count. Hmm. "Twisted." I kinda like that.

The article's author came to our last club meeting to gather information for the article. In my defense, let me just say that I wasn't "showing off bloody bandages to greet a visitor" really, but rather showing the line of steri-strips - admittedly dark red with dried blood from just after the surgery - to someone I already knew after they asked about my recent surgery (the "plate-ectomy"). Oh, and the author was standing nearby, so she saw them as well.

She goes on to relate how Mike was bragging about being called a "murderer" after last year's ride (a reference to the early days of the Tour de France, when a rider called the organizers "assasins" when they added mountains to the race). And how Dave "chuckled gleefully" after finding that he still had fifteen miles left to ride after climbing up the "worst hill one can imagine." So I guess I'm not alone in that insanity declaration.

I am proud to be included in such fine company. Really. It almost brings a tear to my eye. I'd like to thank the Academy, my dogs, the guys down at ... [ahem]

OK, maybe "insane" or "stark-raving mad" (the last is straight from the article) is a little strong. I prefer to think of myself and the others as "passionate" about cycling. From the outside, passions can sometimes appear a little like madness, I suppose. I personally don't get the ardent fervor displayed by the many NASCAR fans who seem to surround me at times. I have to admit that I'm not really big on March Madness either, if only because my alma mater's team never goes (though the local UT men's and women's team go on occasion, the latter much more frequently and with greater success). But since my passion is more on the fringe of pop culture, I guess I'm a little more accepting of others' fanaticisms.

So I guess I'm the pig after all. Don't get that reference? Let me explain. This is from a little motivational thing that I once heard (and got Mrs. Guy to use with her charges to promote "ownership" at work). It's like the preparation of a breakfast of ham and eggs. The chicken was involved.

The pig was committed.

Lament

Tue, 18 Apr 2006 01:17:00 GMT

The Tour de Georgia starts tomorrow. I’m sorry, that’s the Ford Tour de Georgia, as opposed to the Dodge Tour de Georgia, which is what the previous three incarnations were. I have been to all three of the Dodge Tour de Georgia’s, even working behind/beside the scenes at the first one. The other two I attended as a tourist only, but I think I had more fun and actually saw better racing. Also, I got to climb Brasstown Bald on my bicycle last year, and let me tell you, it’s a real b!#&h (and I didn’t have to ride near as far as the professional racers before I got there). I’ll try to tell the story of that climb some other time.

Sadly, I will not be attending any part of the Ford Tour de Georgia this year, which is especially vexing as the Thursday Time Trial will actually finish in Chattanooga, Tennessee, which is about 100 miles from here. Sis works in Chattanooga, but I doubt she’ll get over to see it (and isn’t as into cycling as I am anyway). John B. and Jim will still be taking a group down to watch the Friday and Saturday stages (and do a little riding as well) with their cyclo-touring company, Highland Adventures Guide Services (HAGS). John H. will also be going, as will Tim, I expect, and probably Jeff G. and several others that I know. I also know of others who will go separately from HAGS for shorter day-trips. But not me.

There’s another who will not be at the Tour de Georgia, who was prominent at the first one. Saul Raisin won the Best Young Rider honors in the first year. He also happens to be a Georgia native. One of my favorite memories from the first year’s race was the start in Saul’s hometown of Dalton. The organizers arranged, and the peloton agreed, to allow Saul to ride out ahead of the main 50 to 100 yards for the three parade laps around downtown Dalton at the start of the race. It was touching to see how the hometown crowd responded to him. Saul didn’t race at the Tour de Georgia in 2004 (I don’t think), but raced again last year and took 2^nd in the Young Rider classification and 13^th overall.

Saul crashed heavily in the Circuit de la Sarthe race in France recently on April 4^th, and ended up in an induced coma following a life-threatening hemorrhage. Saul has since come out of the coma as reportedly improving, but prayers or well-wishes would be welcome, I’m sure. It’s been a very scary time over the past few weeks for his family, friends, and teammates.

In light of that, I feel that I should not complain in the least about my inability to attend the race. Where will I be? I will be at a wedding, in which Mrs. Guy will be serving as the Matron of Honor. The wedding is in Mexico, at Riviera de Maya (I think), so I won’t be suffering any unless there are any freak early hurricanes out in the Gulf. I plan on lifting a glass and toasting the happy couple, and also saying a quick prayer for Saul’s complete recovery.

Maybe I will miss being at the Tour de Georgia with my friends, but I think I can be happy where I will be as well, counting my blessings all the while.

Press Release

Sun, 02 Apr 2006 02:42:01 GMT

Budweiser Bottles to Undergo Change

BG World News Service

In a stunning and surprising move today, Anheuser-Busch announced a plan for a sweeping change for all of their bottled beverage products. A new test program begins today to make bottles using safety glass.

“It’s a new direction for us, but one that I think is an important one moving into the future” stated Henry Lowry, speaking for the Anheuser-Busch Public Relations office. “We’ve been getting a lot of complaints from runners, cyclists, and even active mothers who use those sports-style of baby joggers about the amount of sharp broken glass along America’s roadsides.”

The announcement was greeted with praise from many athletic groups. Joseph Gere of the League of American Bicyclists stated “This is a day that we will look back at for quite some time to come. This is the day that it all starts to change.”

Only one athletics-related group contacted had anything negative to say about the new turn of events. “The timing couldn’t be worse,” said Frank Kessel of Nike’s Reasearch and Development office. “We were going to be rolling out a new line of shoes with tougher soles in six to eight months, but now we’ll have to scrap the project. That represents a big loss to our R&D budget.”

Anheuser-Busch stated that they would roll out the new bottles starting in higher redneck-density areas. “This is excellent news for us,” stated Joe Ford of the Southeast Region of Cyclists. “The SRC is behind this initiative one hundred percent and then some. Now we just need to convince Pabst Blue Ribbon and a few others to follow suit.”

Other domestic beer manufacturers refused to comment on today’s announcement, but reportedly several have been scrambling to find their own sources for safety glass bottles. When asked for a comment, Carl Stafford of RLX Bottles, who will supply the bottles for Anheuser-Busch, said “Yeah, these guys are really reeling about now. I’m committed to supplying bottles for Bud right now, and I don’t have any excess capacity.”

When contacted, Larry Tenent of the Micro-Brewers Association did not seem to be worried about the day’s events. “Most of your modern-day rednecks don’t buy our specialty beers anyway, so we just don’t see the need for the additional cost right now.”

The cost was something that Henry Lowry did mention in his statement to the press. “I know that this move is not cheap for Anheuser-Busch, but we feel the time has come. This is a small price to pay for the safety of the athletic public. Well, maybe not a small price, but it’s the right thing to do.”

The news was also greeted with interest in Europe. “Wow, this is a really great, forward-thinking idea,” said Seamus O’Brian of Guinness. “Making beer bottles out of safety glass? Brilliant!”

What day is it?